CANCER

Cancer: It is not a word that sparks joy and happiness in one’s heart.

In the last 2 weeks  two people I know have just been diagnosed with cancer, which is what has prompted me to write this post.

No, it will not be a post about how I survived cancer and I am now an enlightened being.

Neither is it a post now how you can follow this marvellous plan to cure cancer for the sum of …

So, if not that, then what?

Well, I have danced with cancer 3 times. I’m here to tell you that cancer is a lousy partner and in the process I learned a lot about other people.

This is a post on what NOT to do when someone tells you they have cancer.

1. Please don’t burst into tear and loudly exclaim “oh you poor dear!” that is annoying and after several people doing it, the temptation is to give them a good swift kick.
2. Don’t tell them about how your Aunt Martha had that very diagnosis and she died. Way to not cheer anyone up.
3. Avoid the strong desire to prescribe for them. Trust me: green smoothies, standing on your head for 20 minutes,  avoiding meat, or chocolate, or, or, or. Yes, people really do say these things.
4. So the rule is: if you are not the oncologist you don’t get to prescribe.
5. Do not offer to pray for them if you know for a fact they are not a believer in your religion.
6. Say no to pulling out your version of the Law of Attraction and asking why they made the choice to have cancer. This is usually followed by a comment about karma.  Neither if these remarks are helpful and they are in fact victim blaming. They may also get you the aforementioned kick.
7.  Telling people that if they had just resolved their issues with their mother, father, work and that is why they have cancer – not a good idea. It’s another version of victim blaming.
8. If you know the person is remarkably resistant to taking advice, don’t put pressure on their partner to ensure the advice is followed

If you want to be truly helpful… then consider doing some of the following:

1. Bring over a casserole or a meal of a favourite food.
2. Clean the bathroom.
3. Offer to be the driver for appointments. Radiation and chemotherapy can be debilitating. An offer of a ride can be helpful.
4. Take the caregiver out for coffee and an opportunity to vent. Cancer is hard on the caregiver and the family, who also need support.

Cancer is not automatically the death sentence it once was, and many of our attitudes to it have not kept up with the science and the healing.

Cancer patients need love and support not advice and judgement. Chose to be helpful, it will be appreciated.