Let’s Talk: about words

Let’s talk about words.

Words?

Yes, words.

Why?

Because words are the core of our existence. We use words to communicate with others and to communicate with ourselves.

When we look at a clock, it is likely we are saying the time to ourselves. When we look at our baby peacefully sleeping, it is likely we are thinking of how much we love that child or even expressing relief that they are sleeping and we have some time to ourselves.

There are so many words in the world and they have power over us and over the decisions we make.

In this blog I’d like to talk about what my friend calls Red Words.

Red Words are words that limit you and your choices.

They generally have an adverse effect on your decisions, and can make your life constricted and unhappy.

The first word is ALWAYS as in “she is always late”. This sets up the expectation in your mind that your friend will not be on time and its one step from that to being annoyed with her before you even meet. And some people are chronically late as they don’t manage time in a way we would want them to.

For example, I had a cousin who was inevitably 30 minutes late. Eventually her brother started telling her that events were beginning 30 minutes before they were scheduled. She figured it out when she arrived at a restaurant and the rest of us walked in together 30 minutes after she arrived. She was somewhat chagrinned to realize what we had been doing and changed her actions.

I have a friend whose pretty well guaranteed to be 15 minutes late. I am usually 10 minutes early. The compromise is meeting in a bookstore. I love them and can hang there for hours so it doesn’t bother me that she is late. Although it can get a bit expensive when I find 5 new books I must have.

In both of those cases solutions were found that allowed for the continuation of the relationship and lessened the aggravation.

Staying stuck on ALWAYS was just going to ruin it.

The next of the RED WORDS is SHOULD. You should do this, you should do that. You know, those directives that are put on you by others or even by yourself.

Generally things that are “should” are things we don’t want to do. As in, I Should exercise. So much easier to say, I could exercise by walking, going to the gym, or having a swim. That opens up choice to you and takes off the burden of the should. I once heard a therapist say:

“You shouldn’t should on yourself” and I think it’s good advice to follow.

The last of the RED WORDS I am going to discuss is NEVER. Now, there are some times when never is a good idea. Never dive into a shallow pool being one example.

Often though, people use never as a way of limiting themselves. “I could never speak in public”. Yes, you could with support and training, it is something you could do.

Never, is generally about fear of trying and failing, so it’s just easier to say “I could never do that”. Then you can’t fail because you have never tried. What could you do if you just once said yes instead of never?

There are other RED WORDS and over time I will be addressing them. In my experience allowing these words into your head and refusing to challenge them limits your choices and decisions.

Life is so much richer when we make our decisions from a place of expansion not constriction.

Do you struggle to make decisions? I can help.Decision Making 101