Words May Hurt Me

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” That was one of the sayings I heard frequently as a child. It didn’t ring true then and it still doesn’t. Words have far reaching and potentially devastating effects on the recipient.

We have heard a lot lately about bullying and teens lately. Young people have killed themselves as a result of nasty words. So what does that have to do with us as adults? If you have ever worked in an office with a bully you are probably aware of the effects on yourself and your co-workers.

Bullying in the workplace is prevalent and often unreported, sometimes because it is the boss who is the bully. So what to do when bullying comes your way? When it is your boss it can be scary to confront the behaviours because of the power imbalance. And that silence allows the bully to continue.

So the first step in dealing with this is seek allies to confront the bully. When the words come your way, refute them, a simple statement such as “I hear what you are saying and I disagree”. The first time may feel a bit odd and as you continue, your courage will grow and others will see that bullying can be stopped.

If you work in a large company check out HR policy to see what the company says about bullying and intimidation. Usually it is severely frowned on and the consequences can be harsh. It may also be worthwhile to look at  any options available under your provincial or state laws.

Bullies flourish because they have an arsenal or weapons  at their disposal and little or no conscience in deploying them. Your job is to create a mental shield and develop allies to put a stop to it. Most importantly you need to realize that the words coming at  you are based in the bully’s own lack of self esteem. By making you feel bad they feel good – what takes their power away is your refusal to engage: refuting their statements in a calm manner, walking away or advising them that their behaviour is unacceptable and there will be consequences if it continues.

The key to dealing with a bully is to take action. Passive acceptance allows the behaviour to continue – and this does not mean engaging in an argument, just refusing to accept in a polite and determined manner.